Rock Bottom

Ok. So, that craziness is over. The only snacks I have left that I'm whittling away at are some fig newtons, which isn't nearly as bad as some of the other things I've snacked on these past 2 weeks. It's really kind of funny to read back and see that 2 posts ago I was going to be HARDCORE FULL ON DIET and then just the next post was SCREW YOU ALL, I'LL EAT WHAT I WANT WHILE I'M GOING THROUGH HELL.

The good news is that I'm mellowing out some. Is my paper done? Hahahaha NO. It needs to be done this week, and I'll shoot for it, but I've realized the harder I kick my own ass trying to get this work done, the harder it is for me to actually get it done. So my new philosophy is to take care of myself and stay happy and then I'll get more done. So far, it has worked better than just trying to suck it up and push through like I usually do. The ass-kicking resulted in a very NON-productive weekend. But then again, my computer did something weird on Friday night and I thought I'd lost EVERYTHING on my computer (pictures, papers, PAPER). Luckily, Scott knows a genius who spent the rest of the evening fixing everything on my computer. (Someone is getting some really good cookies and a thank you card in a couple of weeks.) I got everything back (it was a corrupted profile, if any of you know what that means) and resumed work on Saturday and a little bit on Sunday. I needed some out time by then. These professors are driving me up a wall with their comments (really, it's only one)!

The end result from this side track is a noticeable gain of weight (at least to me). I feel like I'm losing my jaw line again and can feel some extra rolls, BUT, I don't see any new stretch marks (the old ones are still going away) and my ankles haven't swollen in over a week.

So on Sunday, Scott and I made a deal: No more bad snacks and we'll start walking 2 miles at least 4 days a week. We started yesterday, and it was really nice to just get outside and move around. The area where we walk has a couple of rough hills to walk up, too, and we broke a sweat. It was really great. And after a couple of weeks, we might go for 3 miles and/or start jogging.

Found a couple of AWESOME things food-wise. Publix had a BOGO on Beaters (egg substitute), but only on the flavored ones. The chive and cheese version is FABULOUS on my morning egg mcmuffins. I do have to say, though, that I'm enjoying the egg mcmuffins more on wheat toast instead of the english muffin. Since I eat them in the car, the toast just holds together a lot better. I team that up with a fruit and yogurt shake. I haven't been close to falling asleep at work since I started doing these breakfasts. Fun stuff!

Lunches have been a PBJ sandwich (I know it's not the BEST thing, but everything else makes me gag a little right now-I have a thing about cold cuts right now that I can't figure out) with low fat Triscuits and laughing cow light cheese and a little 100 calorie cake thing. Then half an orange and a healthy granola bar for a snack on my drive home. Sometimes I switch out the PBJ for a healthy hot pocket (it's the Aldi healthy food brand, can't remember the name of it) and then cut out the crackers and cheese. For a while I had 14 fat free Pringles (equals about 100 calories) to eat with my sandwiches. However, fat free Pringles are almost a whopping $1-$1.50 more than the regular ones and it just hurts me to do that, so I haven't gotten them in a while.

There were also a lot of good deals on frozen dinners between BOGO and couponed items. The kind you get in a bag and throw from the freezer into the skillet. SO EASY! I love those. They're not the healthiest thing if you cook them by yourself, because in all honesty, you could eat almost a whole bag, but when you're sharing them it's awesome, because you eat just your half (which isn't HORRIBLE if you watch the nutrition facts) and then throw some veggies with it. YUM!

So here we are, back in line with all this after hitting rock bottom and hating life for a while. I realized it sucks to hate working on the paper with ANY spare time I had as well as hating myself for getting fatter and less active. So why not fix both? I have some spare time when I get home from work that I DO NOT want to work on school work and just want some time to do what I want to do, and now I spend that walking and then eating dinner. Adding a little more structure to my day will help a lot. I'll check back in later and let y'all know how it's going.

ANY FUN IDEAS?
I've been doing this lunch for several weeks now, and I'm starting to get tired of it. Anyone have any new/easy/cheap ideas for lunches at work? I do have yogurt. It'd be awesome if I can keep these meals under $5 (which is why subway is THE BEST).

Lindsay's Not Losing Weight This Week - Don't read this for inspiration

So I've been trying really hard to get my paper done. I really wanted to have it finished by the end of this weekend. Obviously, it didn't happen. It really got the point where I wanted to quit and be done with it. Thankfully, I walked away for a while, thought about what a loser I would feel like if I quit after getting this far, and decided to stick with it. Haven't been able to look at my paper since though. Every time this week I've come close to getting some work on it done, I get a huge mental/emotional block that makes me cuss it and hate it and meltdown as opposed to actually working on it. Very convenient (UGH!). Now, armed with chocolate and whole milk, I'm going to tackle it.

This has absolutely NOTHING to do with losing weight. You got that?! NOTHING! And you know what. If I balloon into a whale in the next few weeks to get this done. I can fix that! I'll even make a deal. If I finish this degree (alive) by the end of this summer (deadline for everything is July 16), I will work out at least every other day from the point of when I'm finished with my work through Christmas. I know others who went through this crap in order to get their degrees know and understand what I'm going through have done the same thing. Basically, I'm not going to give a CRAP about my personal well-being (excluding hygiene, that will be well taken care of) in order to care more and complete the degree.

Another promise. I won't attempt to get another degree until I've reached my goal weight. However, I will say that I may reach my goal weight within the next year. FEAR NOT for it will be a good 20 years AT LEAST before I try this crap again.

I will say that the meals I eat are fairly healthy. I have not been eating out a lot at all and everything for lunch and breakfast is low fat and with plenty of nutrients and low calories. Dinner is a little bit of stretch, but not much. What I'm really about to go completely overboard on is snacks. So I guess that's not too awful bad considering the first time I really started going overboard with all of this, a year ago, I spent a good chunk of time in tons of drive thru's between Atlanta and Carrollton.

In summation:
This is my fat time. Doesn't make it ok for you, but you know your stress limits, not me. I may be a beached whale on my family vacation, but at least those people have to love me anyways. And at least it will be a VACATION. I've forgotten what that's even like. And if my work is finished by then, I'll be working out every other day while I'm there anyways.

For those who were able to diet and exercise during their final, hellacious push through graduate work: I hate and respect you.

I'll get back on and let y'all know the new starting point in several weeks when this is all over. Or I might write before then once I get a better attitude about all of this.

This isn't the end, just the beginning of a new jumping off point!

Square 2

I'm not starting completely back at Square 1 because I have not ballooned (I don't think) and have been eating fairly well (but not fantastic) this past month. So I'd consider myself at Square 2, though I'd like to be back at Square 5.

Like I said, I haven't gone completely overboard. I've had some good weekends filled with Zaxby's and Mexican food, but kept myself fairly roped in during the week. Next time when I go crazy on calories and fat, it will just be one meal instead of the whole weekend. I will miss my poptarts in the morning and little Ben & Jerry's cups of ice cream at lunch, but it's for the greater good, and I think I've found some alternates that will be much better and still taste fabulous.

SCHOOLWORK
I've taken my second written exam (still haven't heard back from that professor) and am currently working on what should be my final revision of my paper. It's going somewhat slow, but I'm trying to tweak it just right so I won't have to do any more revisions (not sure if that's going to fly or not, but I'm trying!). After this paper I'll do an oral exam and will be finished for graduation at the end of July! Can't believe I'm finally this close!

FOOD
So yeah, I binged a little this weekend by going to a Pub Crawl in Raleigh with some family and friends as well as over-indulging in everything else delicious to eat that weekend. It was so worth it, and what better way to kick off a diet?

One BIG help with the food choices and recipes is hungrygirl.com. A friend of mine recommended it last week and I've been glued to the site ever since. My only problem is that all the desserts that look so good require pumpkin, and the 3 local grocery stores I've gone to have not had any. I know there was a shortage, but SOMEbody has to have some SOMEwhere. My next stop is walmart and after that, I just don't know. We'll see, though!

Breakfasts for the most part are going to be smoothies from my knock-off Bullet blender. A little light protein milk (low fat), with half a container of fat-free yogurt, strawberries, bananas, and a little milk/orange juice and I'm set to go! One priority I want to have this time on the strict diet is taking my vitamins. I'm horrible about forgetting to and the Bullet doesn't dice it up very well. I'm looking for a mortar and pestle to grind the pills up with and then put in the shake. THAT would be nice.

Lunches are sandwich, light pringles (only 14 of them), a few pieces of orange, and some pudding with a 100 calorie bag of popcorn to pop for a snack later. Then tonight for dinner I'm trying Hungry Girl's recipe for chicken cordon bleu. Looks really good and only has 3 ingredients! Slap some frozen veggis on the side and that sucker is balanced and good to go! YUM!

I'm also eyeballing Hungry Girl's recipe for some fudge, but once again, the pumpkin shortage is KILLING me!

My friend Rachel has started Weight Watchers online and they are having a pretty good deal on things right now. I'm really considering it and, depending on my budget, may sign up before the end of next week. It's a great idea and she's already lost 8 pounds in just the last 4 weeks! So awesome.


EXERCISE
I need, Need, NEED to get my butt to the gym in the morning. I really like the input y'all had about that earlier. I'm just having a really hard time waking up early during the week. Not sure what the hang-up is, but I'm trying to work through it. In the meantime, I have some workout videos I can do in the afternoons when I get home from work that I may try for now.

TAKING THE STAIRS - I need to remind myself of it. But I've decided to start taking the stairs at work from now on. Every little bit helps!

Can't wait to catch back up and get back on track.

Get back with y'all next week!

Still Hanging On!

I've lost track of weeks, but I figured if I'm not technically on my original plan, it doesn't really matter until I'm back on it again. When I am back on it, y'all will be the first to know.

So here's the deal with school:
I've completed my first written exam in my major field. The next written exam is scheduled for next Monday and is based on fewer books (than the 15 for my major), but I will also have only 2 hours this test instead of 3. I talked with the professor last Friday and we seem to be on the same page as far as themes for questions and that type of deal. So hopefully no surprises there.

However, I'm still in the process of editing my paper, but I haven't received any other comments since I turned it in 2 weeks ago. That could put a damper in my scheduling. I'm trying to have everything done by April 23 (a week from Friday) which will have me finishing the paper this weekend (if I get it back) as well as studying for my last written exam on Monday and then scheduling my Oral Exam for next Thursday (April 22). April 23 is the deadline to turn everything in to the graduate school in order to graduate on May 8. If I miss it by a week, then I graduate on July 31, but at least everything will be done. For now, I'm trying my hardest to hit the deadline for May graduation. If the paper needs more extensive revisions, or if anything else comes up, then I can just move everything back, which won't really matter in any way except the day I dress in a black robe and walk across the stage - and I guess the job thing as well, but I'm hoping to be long gone by September (if I graduate in May) or October (if I graduate in July). I'm already looking for jobs and applying.

What does all of this mean for Weight Loss?

With everything going on, I have to be honest and say Diet and Exercise have not been at the top of my list of things to do. However, I've done a fair job at keeping things balanced.

EXERCISE

I have gone a couple of times to run with my friend Carla. She's good about running regularly, so she totally kicked my ass, but she showed me a good park to go to that's close by. By the way, it's been WONDERFUL running in this weather. I really need to work on my breathing. She was giving me pointers on how to breath in your nose and out your mouth and trying to give me a good count to breath to so I'm not huffing and puffing. I kind of choked and gagged a few times (really embarrassing) and plan to spend some more time on the elliptical in order to work on that. I did go run on the elliptical on Monday. That was excellent. I'm getting to the point where I'm having to talk myself back into coming to the gym again, whereas I couldn't wait before I fell back into this schoolwork slump. I think once schoolwork is done with, it will be much easier. I really need to follow y'all's advice from last time and go early in the morning before work.

DIET

This is the area I've been better about. Yes, I have slipped up and gotten Zaxby's once, a McDonald's chicken biscuit once, and maybe did some shameful things to some publix cookies (like put icing on them---but it was icing half-made with Splenda!), but each one of these taught me a valuable lesson. Zaxby's gives me stomach aches now - yay! And McDonald's just made me feel bloated later, which is something I can hold on to the next time I feel like I want a chicken biscuit. As for the cookies, they just gave me the same sugar rush I always used to get with them. No new lessons there. God I love cookies and icing. But that spree is over with and behind me now.

And then there was Easter candy. I don't want to talk about that, though. Everyone knows it's good and everyone knows I'm a sucker, but like the cookies, I had my fill and have now moved on. The end.

On some good notes, I've found some new yummy treats that are healthy:

The best deal around D-ville is the $1.50 lb of frozen ground turkey at publix. The whole tube is 11 grams of fat and under 500 calories, but you never eat the whole pound, you know? Lately, I've combined the turkey with some Manwich (also a good deal--AND healthy!) and eating some sloppy joes on whole wheat bread and low fat cheese. YUM. Very flavorful for such fewer calories...and cheap! And as for the frozen ground turkey, they also sell frozen ground turkey sausage for $2.00 a pound. This is really good with some egg beaters for breakfast in the mornings or some cheese dip or anything you could possibly want to make lower in fat. Two thumbs up!

Something else I've discovered and proclaimed to everyone on facebook. Starbucks makes frappaccino with Splenda now and they are 100 calories, 3 grams of fat and 12 carbs. Price is the only disappointing side, though they were on sale last week at Kroger. Hail to the Starbucks.

And lastly, Betty Crocker's Warm Delights were brought to my attention a couple of weeks ago. These are those bowls that you mix water in it and put it in the microwave for 30 seconds and you have dessert. They are soooo, good! Come to find out, they also come in a mini-size. So you get your dose of sweet goodness without overdoing it. And the BEST part is: inside the packaging for the minis is a COUPON! SCORE! 75cents off when you buy 2 more. I know this is benefiting the company, but I will gladly do what they say. Those cakes are so yummy and they make me feel like I'm saving money. Basically, I am a slave to Betty Crocker....much like I am Starbucks now that my one reason for staying away is gone.


So that's it! That's what I've been living off of and trying to make the best of things. I don't think I'm gaining weight and if I have, it's not been much. My stretch marks are still going away with lots o' lotion, and some of my pants are still fairly loose on me. What is for certain is that I haven't been losing any weight at all, and I know this is because of my lack of commitment to my diet as well as no consistent workout schedule. On average, I've been working out once a week. That's definitely not good enough, and I plan to do better, but I just have a week or two before all this school work is FINALLY behind me and so I think I can last just a little longer with simply maintaining. But after the requirements are finished for the degree, it is on like DONKEY KONG to get looking good for bathing suit season and my family beach trip. I don't want people to feel compelled to drape nets around me and try and pull me back out to sea while I'm tanning.

I'll try and keep everyone posted on school progress, but between now and next week, it will be a very tight squeeze, so forgive me if I fall behind again these next 2 weeks.